And the dog ran away with the pear...

So here it is, my first ever blog post as a single dad. Actually, my first blog post ever, and it comes at the end of what turned out to be the most tumultuous week of my life. A week that started with me becoming a single father and catching Covid (yes I have had both my jabs) in the same day. To be clear there are two sides to every story so I will only tell mine and will not be addressing what lead to this change in circumstances. My three boys have handled the situation very well.

My youngest has had some tantrums and is acting a like a baby at times, which is understandable. The middle one already had plenty of issues of his own to deal with and is still out of school with mental health issues.

He had been struggling with self-harm since starting secondary school and sadly made a thankfully pitiful attempt to take his own life.

Since then we are now starting to get the support that we had been asking for for months. He is currently on a waiting list to see a children's psychiatrist. My eldest has stepped up more than I ever thought he would have to at his age, especially as I, at the time of writing, am still in isolation.

He has always been mature for his age but has been a real star at what must be a difficult time for him at the start of his first GCSE year. The dog has been keeping my back warm and has an uncanny ability to find the children's shoes no matter where they are hiding.

She doesn't even mind that the boys are walking her instead of me. I think she likes it because she can get away with more. The cat......is a cat. The last few days have been like riding a rollercoaster. My emotions changing from relief to despair often within the blink of an eye.

I never really understood how you could be so full of determination, dread, hope, and fear all in the same moment. I always understood how much I hate rollercoasters. However, my anti-depressants are starting to kick in as I can feel my emotions levelling off. I have a small circle of friends who have been extremely supportive, checking in on me each day whenever they can, offering all the help they can.

I'm sure they are equally relieved and disappointed when I refuse their help. All I need is their words of kindness and the occasional blackhole to swallow my sadness and rage. I've also started talking to strangers online who are in similar difficult circumstances which has helped me cope.

It is amazing how hearing about the strength of others can, in turn, give you strength. It's even more amazing that you can connect with someone that you have never met who is half way around the world and find a measure of peace. Now I am finding an equilibrium, I decided to document my trials in the worst way possible. Social media and blog posts. I posted my first update to all my social media accounts today and then realised I hadn't told everyone yet. I guess I don't need to now. The start of my new life was marked by my first shop as a single father, the contents of which were the focal point of my first update. I did a half decent job, if you forget I now have too much bread and milk.

My downfall was forgetting that the freezer was already full. It was not fun trying to cram another few days meals in. I also managed to include all of grandmas shopping which one of the boys will run round to her.

You can't see it in the picture, but I promise I got some healthy food as well.

So a very eventful week to say the least and, to top it all off, the dog ran away with grandma's pear.....