Good Grief!

I didn't start my diet. I didn't continue my fitness journey either. However, I do think I finished grieving.

When we first separated I couldn't believe what had happened - denial.

Then came the arguments and constant accusations - anger.

When the dust settled I tried to find a way to get things back to how they were or at least find a way forward for us to work on our relationship - bargaining.

When that failed I hit rock bottom. I stopped housework, I only completed the bare minimum of tasks I had to each day to get me and the boys through and I spent the rest of my time on the sofa with doggo - depression.

Once even she'd had enough of me, I realised there was nothing to do other than move forwards. That's when I started to feel better. There could be only one, and now there was. I knew what I had to do and who I was going to be - acceptance.

And now the boundaries are being drawn. The separation agreement is taking shape. Our new relationship, or complete lack thereof, is being defined.

The future is very different to what I was dreaming of, but that doesn't mean it is has to be bad.

My biggest obstacle at the moment is the crushing loneliness. Having been living with my other half since I was 15, I haven't been without company....well, ever.

I eat all my meals alone (when I have one, which isn't often). I watch TV alone. I listen to music alone. I sleep a broken sleep alone.

I find the nights are the coldest, even with the dog trying her best to keep me warm.

In an attempt to combat this I have found myself signing up to dating apps. Not to date, but to find friends and chat so I don't feel quite so isolated.

Still, progress is progress and my mental state is slowly improving. The house is calmer and my boys are spending more time with me, and each other, than they have in a long time.

I will now spend a weekend getting the house straight again. I will go for another run and maybe lift some weights. Most importantly, I will start working on my diet.

Two steps forward, and another step forward.