I'm not looking for any credit

It's nearly Christmas. I know this because of the constant barrage of credit offers I'm getting in my inbox.

Now these aren't the nice looking 0% balance transfers, or the buy now pay later at 0% interest offers.

No, these are the insidious kick you while your down rip offs that are designed to be defaulted on so the debt can be sold at a profit.

The buy a £200 TV for £400 at a bazillion % APR offers. With no credit check. NO CREDIT CHECK!

I admit, I am strapped and my kids will be experiencing a very different kind of Christmas from now on but I'm not going to make things worse by signing my soul away.

I do understand the need other less well off families will have, the feeling that kids won't be happy if they don't get what they want. It isn't true though, these things will put a smile on their face for an afternoon sure, but they won't bring a child happiness.

I would strongly advise to steer clear wherever possible. It will only make a difficult situation worse.

Every penny I have spare, after necesseties and one small treat for myself (as I won't be getting much in the way of presents this year) will be spent on taking my boys to Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park with their maternal auntie.

I have feeling this will be my youngest's last year as a 'True Believer' so it will be a trip to remember. The other two enjoy rollercoasters so they will love it too. Their aunt will brave the rides with them. I will hold the bags.

The trip is also their main Christmas present. The older boys understand and have only asked for things they need for Christmas. The small one not so much, but I told him if he is greedy in his letter then Santa will put him on the naughty list and won't bring him anything. That he did understand.

As for me, their mum's stuff is all sorted and ready to go and me and the boys have big plans for the surprising amount of space it has left behind.

It was a struggle getting through it. A lot of what she had was a present from me for one occasion or another. I guess that's what happens when you've been together for 23 years.

It's strange to think we won't see each other in person anymore, apart from the kids' milestones such as graduations and weddings and the like. However, that is the arrangement we fell into and also what is best for us and the well-being of our boys.

I'm overcoming the loneliness by tiring myself out during the day and spending my nights chatting online. I find I spend more time stringing along the fakers and con artists for my own amusement than I do talking to real people.

It's somewhat satisfying to know I'm wasting their time and stopping them from conning some poor lonely schmuck out of their hard earned cash.

There is one real person I talk to on a daily basis and I'm also getting check-ins from a handful of good friends. We don't get to see each other often but the chats are much appreciated.

After a few weeks of being alone, I find it's the contact I miss the most. The cozying up under a blanket watching TV programmes that are now left unseen on the DVR as I can't bear to watch them alone. The luxury of wrapping my arms around another person in bed has been replaced with insomnia.

I may not be sleeping, but at least I have seen a few sunrises lately. Silver linings eh?

As each day goes by the moments of clarity are lasting a little longer and the moments of darkness a little shorter. The nights are starting to feel warmer, despite the cold outside and the selfish dog deciding to doss on the other sofa. She snores too!

My take away from the last few days is that I'm moving ever forwards. There is a new me and a new improved family in the making. At least that is where my hopes lie.