Oops! I did it again...

I said I would crash and I did. I don't want to call it a moment of weakness, mainly because I can't tell the difference between being strong and being weak at the moment, or the value in either. I will call it a lapse in judgement.

As it turns out, that other me was still alive when I buried him, so I've had to hit him on the head with a shovel a few times to finish him off.

Unfortunately, it was my ex that bore the brunt of my misdemeanor. I am sorry for that, but can't promise it won't happen again. I don't make promises I can't, or won't, keep.

As it turns out, she is already moving on and I must endeavour to do the same.

On the bright side, I'm really looking forward to Winter Wonderland with my boys and my sister from another mister.

I'm not going to go into detail about this now as I will dedicate an entire blog post to all the fun I'm sure we will have.

I'm just over a week from Christmas and I still haven't bought anything. I don't get paid until next week and I haven't had the spare cash to do anything yet. I'm starting to worry but I'm sure it will work out. I always come up smelling of roses. Then, hey, we all know what roses grow in right?

I've got plans to see people. I've got plans for my birthday. It will be the first time I've actually had a birthday since I was 21. As my birthday is just after Christmas and I was always more worried about ensuring everyone else was happy, I never made time for my own birthday, and noone else did either.

Next year is going to be different. Next year is going to be the first year of the rest of my life. My second act.

My situation has changed, but I haven't changed. My dreams haven't changed either, but for the first time in a long time I feel like I can actually realise those dreams. I have a roadmap. I have the will and the means. Means, motive, and opportunity.

I will sort my finances, see my boys into adulthood and then use my pension to visit all of the places I've dreamed of seeing. I never wanted to do it alone though, so after a little healing there will be a vacant deck chair next to me.

I'm making my bucket list. I'm checking it twice. I don't really care if you're naughty or nice. A little of column A, a little of column B would be preferable.

My boys are doing a lot better than I am and I'm extremely proud of all three of them. I never dreamed of them ever having to put up with a breakup in the family. Unfortunately, they just see it as the norm. Nearly everyone they know is from a broken family.

Things used to be built to last. Now everything is disposable and there are a myriad of excuses to just give up and chuck something away. Hey ho! Such is life nowadays.

Moving on...