Ouch to 5k

After a few weeks of writing I have found that I am using my blog to drive myself forwards. I formulate a general plan of what my next post will contain, and in turn that forces me to act, otherwise I have nothing to talk about other than failure. I don't want to talk about failure. I want to talk about success, about overcoming the issues I face regardless of my situation and mental state. I want to talk about how well I am managing despite the worry, the panic attacks, the moments of despair and anguish.

This week I returned to work (from home) which worked out well though does add some additional stress and takes half the day away. Still, needs must.

I have also kick-started my fitness journey. To put this in perspective, during the first lockdown I trained a lot. I had got down to weighing 165lbs (74.8kg) and my 5km time was a healthy 22 minutes on average.

Today I weigh 191lbs (86.6kg). Obligatory gut shot below.

Dinner spoiler alert - it's more dad blob than dad bod.

My first 5km time since starting training again was 30'41". Needless to say, my diet starts tomorrow!

The dust has started to settle with the ex and we are discussing the terms of our separation.

During this process, I have come to realise that I am currently two people living in the same body. One that wants to fix everything and be a happy family, and one that needs to move forwards and heal.

Whilst these two identities occupy the same space, I can't properly be there for anyone. In order for me to function as a decent human being, there can be only one!